


Not Asleep

by Raven (Temaris)



Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Gen, Kidfic, Little Britches ATF AU, Magnificent Seven - ATF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-18
Updated: 2009-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-04 13:11:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Temaris/pseuds/Raven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>LB JD has a bad dream.  ATF LB AU.  Rated G -- suitable for all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Asleep

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the poem by Lucy Frye

JD woke with a jolt. It was like he'd taken a step and missed, his foot going down forever into empty space. His breath caught, and he shivered.

Momma had been smiling at him. She'd kissed him and stood by the car. "When Mr. Bergman's here we'll go, and we won't have to worry any more." She smelled pretty, sweet and soft and warm, and another breath caught in his throat, nearly a sob. He never smelled anything like that anymore. Buck and Chris were just Buck and Chris smelling, and Mrs. Potter smelled of lavender and cookies.

"Mommy," he whispered, curling up tight around his belly so that the hole there wouldn't escape.

"JD?" Vin's voice was sleepy and he sniffed. He didn't want to wake Vin up, but sometimes...

"Hey, JD, you okay?"

He heard a thud as Vin dropped out of the bunk above him. The space between their beds narrowed, becoming stuffy and dark as Vin stuck his head in. JD opened his eyes and tried to see Vin, but could only make out his shadow. He sniffed again, and whispered, "Vin, I want my Mommy." He held his arms up and Vin slid into his bed without hesitation, hugging his little brother close.

"You dream 'bout her?" he asked seriously, petting JD's hair. JD's tears soaked into his pajamas as he nodded into Vin's shoulder. "That's a good thing, 'cause you got to see her."

JD's answer was to sniff again. "Want her to come see me when I'm 'wake," he sobbed.

"She can't, 'member?"

"I *know*. I just wish she'd come."

Vin rocked him gently and tightened his embrace. JD would go to sleep again soon, he'd cry himself into exhaustion.

"Ain't no stupid angels, anyway," JD said suddenly, and Vin froze. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

"Shh," he whispered.

"What's a cem'tree?"

"Dunno," Vin lied.

"Lucy said I should go to the cem'tree and see Mommy." JD sniffed again, and rubbed his face in Vin's chest. "Lucy said I wasn't being respickful 'cause I hadn't been to the cem'tree to see Mommy."

"Lucy's a girl. What's she know?"

"I tole her Mommy was dreaming of angels and she said that meant she was dead, and her grandpa was dead and they put him in a hole in the ground and that's where my Mommy was. She's not, is she? She isn't in the ground, is she, Vin?"

"I don't know," Vin whispered, "I don't know what happened to my Mommy either. She was just quiet, and they said she was dreaming of angels with God, and they shut the door and made me go outside and I never saw her no more." They huddled together in the dark, silent and too warm.

"Chris would know." The thought had crossed Vin's mind several times before, but he'd never dared ask. "Mrs. Chris and Adam went away."

"Would he tell?"

"I dunno." He shrugged. "He might not want to."

"Oh." JD thought about this for a while, and Vin wondered if he was going to sleep. He didn't feel sleepy any more. He felt sad. Sad for JD, and sad for Chris, and sad for his Momma who'd gone away too. Mrs. Chris was a Mommy, and she'd gone away. Maybe Mommies just had to go away. "You come if I went an' ak-sed him?"

He nodded, and the two of them crept out of their room and down the corridor into Chris's room. It was dark and quiet, and Vin bit his lip.

"Maybe we should ask him tomorrow," Vin gripped JD's sleeve and stopped at the door. "We shouldn't wake him up."

"Vin?" Chris' voice was muffled and the two boys froze. "You okay?" They saw a dark shape sit up, and reach out to the bedside lamp, and they all blinked as it was switched on. "JD?"

JD gulped, then wrenched himself away from Vin's grasp and ran to the bed, crawled onto it and buried his head in Chris' shoulder.

"Hey, what's up kiddo?" Chris' voice rumbled against his head, but JD didn't look up until a firm hand lifted his chin. Vin was kneeling close, tucked under Chris's other arm. "Hey, look at me," Chris insisted gently.

JD looked up. Chris looked worried, with little crinkles around his eyes, and he tucked his face into Chris's shoulder again.

"You couldn't sleep?" he asked. The warm arm around his back tightened, and JD nodded wordlessly.

"Bad dream?" His voice was even softer and kinder, and JD sniffed, tears filling his eyes again. "You wanna stay here?" JD nodded again, and Chris sighed, his breath brushing JD's hair. "Okay then. Let me turn the light out." JD clung tightly as Chris leaned over. The room plunged into darkness, and he whimpered.

"It's okay, JD," Vin's voice was a little shaky too, but his brother didn't notice as Chris pulled the covers up and settled back into the bed. The three of them shifted around until Vin was cuddled up tight to Chris's side, and JD was sprawled over Chris's chest. He sighed and turned his head. He could hear Chris's heart beating beneath his ear, and he could just about see Vin through the darkness, only inches away. He rubbed his head on Chris's t-shirt and sighed contentedly. It was safe here.

JD snuggled a little closer, and whispered quietly, so's not to disturb anyone if they'd gone to sleep. "Chris?"

"JD?"

"You awake?"

Lips brushed his forehead and the bed shivered under him as Chris laughed, "Yes, I'm awake. What is it, kiddo?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Momma's not asleep, is she?"

Chris froze under JD. He and Buck had discussed this conversation. They'd been sure it would be a matter of time before it came up, particularly once JD and Vin started school. Vin shivered against him, and part of the reason they had both come in explained itself.

"No, sweetheart, she's not," he agreed gently. "Vin?"

"'n not mine neither?"

Chris hugged them both closely. "No, Vin, neither of them are asleep."

"Are they in the ground?"

Chris felt his breath stop. "Who told you that, JD?"

"Lucy at school," the boy mumbled into his shoulder.

"What did she say?" Inwardly he cursed the wretched child for upsetting his boys, but not a sign of it showed in the gentle movement of his hands, one on each thin back.

"She said her grandpa was in the cem'tree, an' I wasn't bein' aspeckful 'cause I hadn't gone to see my Mommy in the cem'tree. An' she said they put her grandpa in a hole in the ground and left him there." The child grew steadily more upset through the recitation. "Chris, they din put Momma in the ground and leave her there, did they?" he asked, panicked, and Chris sighed. They'd argued about it, and in the end, convinced each other that they would be honest, that the kids had had enough lies. It sounded much easier in daylight, than in the dark, with two shivering small children waiting for him to wreck their last illusion.

"I'm sorry, JD, but yes, they did." He even knew where the woman's grave was. Buck had made a point of finding out when they had gotten long term custody of the children, just as he had found out everything he could about Vin's mother and her last resting place.

"An' mine too?" Vin's voice was small and afraid.

"Yes, pard. I'm sorry." He held Vin's dark eyes, trying to show all his love and sorrow.

"Oh," JD started crying again, and Vin struggled for a moment until Chris loosened his embrace. Vin pulled JD over and added his arm to Chris's over JD's back. Chris hugged both children close, shifting until he could rock them, well aware that Vin's tears were falling as hard as JD's for all that they were silent.

"Where's my Mommy, Chris?" Vin whispered.

"She's buried over the other side of the city." In a pauper's grave, marked with a tiny slab and a name: E. L. Tanner. He'd cleared the overgrown grass when he'd gone there to see it for himself, and left a bunch of white and yellow roses lying on it. Vin didn't need to know why she was lying in something that was near enough an unmarked spot.

JD's sobs were turning into the gulps of a child who didn't know how to stop crying, and Chris groaned. "Come on, let's get you cooled down a bit, okay?" He shifted until he could slide out of the bed, and padded to the bathroom, grabbed a cloth and a couple of towels. He soaked and wrung out the cloth and headed back as quickly as he could. Vin was standing by the bed, clearly uncertain whether to follow or not, and JD was holding onto Vin's arm, kneeling on the bed, watching him, still hiccuping.

Chris sat next to JD, and tugged Vin close with one arm. "Hold still," he said quietly, and wiped the cool cloth over JD's face. "Better?" JD nodded, and Chris smiled at him, "Back into bed with you."

JD obediently turned and crawled into the middle of Chris's bed. For a moment there he thought about telling the kid to hop it, that he hadn't meant *his* bed, but he was too busy carefully wiping the tear tracks from Vin's face, then patting his face dry. "Hands?" When Vin held them out he wiped over his wrists and the sweaty palms. "Okay?"

Vin nodded hesitantly, and Chris looked at him, then brushed the soft blond curls back from Vin's forehead.

"It does get better, Vin," he said softly. "I promise you."

"Why can't she come home?" JD asked, and Chris flinched. "Why do they go away?"

Because life sucks, kid, he thought angrily. No child should sound so defeated. Certainly not one as boisterous as JD could be.

"I'm still here," he said instead. "Me and Buck aren't going anywhere."

Vin looked at him, old eyes measuring him dubiously. Chris thought of all the things that could go wrong, all the things that had gone wrong in their lives. Death was never far away from men who carried guns, who tried to do a little to keep life safe for others. All the losses he -- they -- had already endured.

"Promise?" JD said, and he looked down into the solemn, dark eyes. JD too was too young to have that look on his face, but there was no 'too young' for death, the original equal opportunities employer.

"We'll try," was all he could bring himself to say. "I promise we will try." JD smiled at him; he smiled back, glad that the boy could take his promise at face value. Vin looked a little more dubious, and Chris said, "Okay?"

Vin worried at his lip until Chris tapped his teeth and said, "Stop that."

"Okay," Vin agreed. Chris wasn't sure what he was getting agreement for, but the boy wasn't biting his lips any more, and he even mustered a little smile for Chris; it wobbled some, then firmed up.

"Better," Chris said, smiling faintly. He didn't have an answer to give them; he didn't know why people they loved died. All he knew was that sometimes you just went on living, one day at a time, and that sometimes life gave you joy unlooked for. He pushed Vin a little, and got under the covers. JD tucked himself in close to Chris's hip, and Vin sat up, leaning against his side and his anger fizzled.

"Okay, guys," he said quietly, an arm over Vin, his free hand petting JD's hair. "It's real late, and if I don't get some sleep, Buck's going to have to fix breakfast."

"Uh oh," said Vin and JD giggled. He slid down, tugging the comforter up under their chins, resigned to a night of being entirely too warm for comfort, and constantly waking at the feel of a small body in his space. Vin wriggled in close and Chris smiled, a real smile, pulling at his cheeks and eyes. JD plastered himself against Chris's other shoulder and moments later little snuffling snores told him that the baby of the family was already asleep, exhausted. He brushed a hand over the narrow little back, and hugged them both. Vin fell asleep some minutes later, and Chris sighed.

"You okay there, pard?" Buck said softly, and Chris wasn't even surprised.

"Yeah."

"Good." Buck's tall form moved into the doorway, and he could feel his eyes on him. There was a quick gleam of teeth, and Buck added, "And don't think I missed that crack about my cooking, Larabee."

Chris smirked at him. "Bring it on, Wilmington." He paused and winced as JD made himself more comfortable. He reached and moved JD's knees from where they were digging against his side. It didn't make a lot of difference, JD just found another sharp bone to jab into him.

Buck laughed under his breath. "Good luck with that. Five to one JD pushes you out at least once."

Chris found himself grinning back. "I guess we'll survive the experience." He let his eyes close and drifted towards sleep. Yeah. Sometimes you found joy unlooked for.


End file.
